On anatomy and staring

It’s February 13, 2009, the day before Valentine’s day, and the weather is just perfect in Palm Harbor. The morning is one of those cool mornings with fresh air from the bay and the Gulf. Pinellas County is an appendix shaped peninsula on the West coast of yet another big Peninsula, the state itself, with Tampa Bay on one side and the Gulf of Mexico on the other. The only time of year that is hell, and it is purely hell, is in the summer. But being from Baton Rouge, which is in a topographical room without windows, and there is no air circulation and hotter, I can appreciate a place that has breezes year round that modifies the swelter. And the fishing is great. In three minutes I drive down Edgewater drive with vistas of the gulf and sand Key a few miles away. Kind of paradise here.

I have a collection of Mankind magazines, and little books published by Mankind, about the way we lived, the daily life of the periods. I just finished reading about the Victorian era which was struggling for existence as I grew up. Girls in this country still wouldn’t reach. It was if they were forbidden to reach. Men do the reaching. Man feels threatened a little when a woman reaches, and that comes from these mores’. It must have been a crazy time. John Ruskin, writer, never consummated his marriage because he had an idyllic idea of womankind borne of the poetry and dreams of the period of romanticism, and when he was confronted with a woman’s anatomy he freaked. She married an artist who came to paint her portrait who evidently did appreciate her anatomy.

In my bio I put “looking for signs of life.” Included in this category of livingness are ladies whom I really have been drawn to had life---and more than a guttering candle or glow, but spark that may even shock me it touched without permission. So here’s a poem to amorosity.

When I think of her anatomy
She’s got things I wish to see
And I have heard the best things in life are free
But it did cost me it really cost me,
Beyond measure

And rising tide within said pay
You’ll drown in your juices if you wait another day
Roll the dice and then pray
To see and know what beneath lay
Those treasures

So rolled the dice on the bedding table
To view the sights beneath the sable
True, there were wonders and I think her name was Mabel
And I looked with all that I was able
At my leisure

So now that I am long in tooth
Looking back I know the truth
I looked and saw and can say sooth
And I guess that I’ll admit I am uncouth
But that was pleasure.

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My second wife Glenda (the good witch) criticized me for staring at things. She said “you look at things like you are in awe of them,” like I was wrong and it embarrassed her. Per haps it is wrong in this culture to look at things with deep interest. I do find myself staring at things because I find things fascinating, and upon ruminating on what I do, as I am given to do at all times, I realized that I am really trying to get it, to absorb that which is around me into myself so I can fully understand it all. Then I realized, after learning the basics of things, for there are basics and everything has an anatomy which can be broken down into smaller elements and parts, that there are “parts or components” of understanding. These are Affinity, Reality and Communication, each of which can be broken down into even smaller parts, so if there is any kind of upset or problem, it is always a break in one of these Affinity, Reality of Communication---or all of them. It is a triangle, with the C on the top. If you expand any one of the angles, all the rest come up. So always communicate if you are in doubt of anything, and it will bring up the reality (agreement) and then affinity. I learned this studying L. Ron Hubbard’s works. It has made my life much easier and gives me tools to handle any situation witih people.

So I wrote a little thing on Staring

What I see
You may wonder why I seem to stare
Yes, that may be the word---stare
I seek the fullness of the world
That is the reason I am here
To feel, encircle, taste, enter
And know the heart and mind and soul of allo.
I sense its edges, its depth
Its essence, its life and proportion
Its roundness, its angularity
Its allness and how it fits with the whole
I only wish I could flow within
The cambium, the sap, the upward
reaching juices of this big elm
and know its heat, its cool certainty,
feeling the birth of its twigs and leaves
and how it praises the day
with uplifted branches
for each ray connecting its life
to the sun that is in itself connected
to the wholeness of the universe
all of which I am somehow holding in place.
I came here to know
As payment for past deeds,
Now in a meat body,
Trying to retrieve something lost
Trying to find the path to the way
Back home
Back to myself.

Reach out. Touch someone. Be.
Have a fabulous, unserious day.